I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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