his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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