My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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