A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
