so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I enjoy the company of your penis
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
