my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just high enough for therapy.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
