You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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