i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
