roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize