i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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