So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize