There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize