Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
