fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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