Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just invented taco cereal.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
