Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
