WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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