He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
