dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Sorry about my life...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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