im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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