i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
