my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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