I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The Olympian is in my bed
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
