I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
