you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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