Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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