dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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