I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
