Im at strip club and am horny
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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