you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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