uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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