she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
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