Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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