okay pat passed out under dana's car
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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