I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
