and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
