How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So gin and wine won't be happening again
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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