Your dad touched me again.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize