you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Mom said you looked used
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Randomize
