im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
