the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
