im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
