There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
