i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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