i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
