i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
