the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
