Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He? As in you personified your dick?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
