connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
