Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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