do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
