Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
