no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
