i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
