Yo dont text me then not text me
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
