You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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