he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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