woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
