The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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