Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Two words: blizzard sex
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize