in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
