I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
