Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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