Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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