Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
how drunk are you?
Several
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
