I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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