I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
