please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize