My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
