it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You need a sexual gate keeper
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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