Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Randomize