You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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