She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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