Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
