Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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