I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
