Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
