omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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