I want to stick my p in your. b.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
