She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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