Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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