I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
