I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize