Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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