Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she told me i tasted like america
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
