hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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