Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
