i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
