He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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