evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
my liver is dry heaving
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