so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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