I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize