I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
