I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
