Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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