but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize