just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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