despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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