"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
