i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
