Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize