When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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