I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
