I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Your dad touched me again.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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