Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
