can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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