Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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