You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
it glows. i had to have it.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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