just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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