u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
